Subject: the note
From: Sean Draine (seandr@Exchange.Microsoft.com)
Date: Mon Jan 03 2000 - 18:57:48 EST
Taken straight from police records, here is the suicide note of Kurt Cobain.
To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would
rather be an emasculated, infantile complaind. This note should be pretty
easy to understand. All the warnings from the Punk Rock 101 Courses over the
years, it's my first introduction to the, shall we say ethics involvedwith
independence and the embracement of your community has been proven to be
very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to, as well as
creating music, along with really writing something for too many years now.
I feel guilty beyond words about these things, for example when we're
backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins. It
doesn't affect me in the way which it did for Freddie Mercury, whoseemed to
love and relish the love and admiration from the crowd, which is something I
totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any of you. It
simply isn't fair to you, or to me. The worst crime can think of would be to
pull people off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having one 100% fun.
Sometimes I feel as though I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk
out on-stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I
do, God believe me, I do, but it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I,
and we, have affected, and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of the
narcisists who only appreciate things when they're alone. I'm too sensitive,
I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm.But, what's sad
is our child. On our last three tours, I've had a much betterappreciation of
all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music. But I still
can't get out the frustration, the guilt, and the sympathy I have for
everybody. There is good in all of us, and I simply love people too much. So
much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive
unappreciative pisces Jesus man! why don't you just enjoy it? I dont know! I
have a of a wide who sweats ambition and empathy, and a daughter who reminds
me to much of what I use to be. full of love and joy, every person she meets
because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to
the point to where I can barely function. I cant stand the thought of
Frances becoming the miserable self destructive, deathrocker she become. I
have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've
become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy
for people to get along and have empathy. Empathy only because I love and
feel for people too much I guess. Thank you from the pit of my burning
nauseas stomach for your letters and concern during the last years. I'm too
much of a neurotic moody person and I don't have the passion anymore, so
remember, it's better to burn out, than fade away. Peace, love, empathy,
Kurt Cobain.
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney for
Frances for her life which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I
LOVE YOU!
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